Toward the end of Sunday service, the Minister asked, ‘How many of you have forgiven your enemies?’

The little sweetheart of a lady tottered down the aisle, faced the congregation, and said,

‘I outlived the bitches.’ 

I just have to say, my boyfriend is the best!! He bought me this shirt and asked me to wear it on Valentine’s Day when we go on our romantic date to McDonalds!! He really is the sweetest man alive He said I could super size my meal since it’s a holiday and all.

I am the luckiest girl alive. Oh how I love him.

OM!! Sadie sent this to me via email and I had to share it. Too freakin’ funny!! The last part is the BESTEST!!

Santa gets a little stressed this time of year

When four of Santa’s elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not
Produce the toys as fast as the regular ones, Santa was beginning to feel the
pressure of being behind schedule.

Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her Mother was coming to visit.

This stressed Santa even more.

When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were
About to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out, heaven knows
where.

More stress.

Then when he began to load the sleigh one of the boards cracked, and
the toy bag fell to the ground and scattered the toys. So, frustrated, Santa
went into the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum.

When he went to the cupboard he discovered that the elves had hidden
the liquor, and there was nothing to drink.

In his frustration he accidentally dropped the cider pot, and it broke
Into hundreds of little pieces all over the kitchen floor.

He went to get the broom and found that mice had eaten the straw end of
the broom.

Just then the doorbell rang, and irritable Santa trudged to the door.

He opened the door and there was a little angel with a great big
Christmas tree.

The angel said very cheerfully, ‘Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn’t it a
lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick
it?’

And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas
tree.

(Thank you to my co-worker for this funny email!!)