I was watching a show, on MTV (I’m lame, I know) and the guy on the show does gay porn and claims that he’s straight? Is that really a possibility? I just think that if you’re having sex, paid or not, with someone of the same sex, that sort of makes you gay. Am I wrong on this? Can you imagine being his girlfriend and finding out THAT secret? He was actually on the show because he wanted to tell his friends and family back home.

His mother must be so proud!! He even said to his one friend, “I fuck guys for a living.” Again, how proud his mother must be.

Today I took Monkey shopping for some clothes. It was fun and he is pretty easy to shop for. He isn’t too picky just yet. Anyway. We shop for him and then he says, “Mom, you should totally get some stuff.” Silly me.

I go to Aeropostle or whatever it is called and try some stuff one. What a freakin’ JOKE!! They really do have some cute stuff, but it is apparently made for anorexic, no boob havin’ 12 year old girls. I am not huge by any means, but good grief. I tried on two shirts, both medium and the first one was so tight around my arms and chest I could hardly breath. Good grief was all I could think. My arms are not much bigger than my 10 year old child’s (yes, I have wimpy arms) and my chest isn’t ginormous or anything. In fact, I’m quite small around. I digress. The second shirt I tried on was one of those, “Hey, I look prego, but I’m not” kind of shirts. It was cute so I thought I would give it a whirl. Uhm, yeah. The elastic that was supposed to go below the girls, poked my girls’ eyes out I guess if you’re a medium, you should be an A or barely a B. If only I could have my pre baby sized girls back. Anyway. I actually laughed out loud when I tried it on. Nothing ever fits me right on top. I dunno why, but it just doesn’t work out for me. I can wear tank tops and t-shirts, but that’s about it. Anything low-cut, off the shoulder, etc. does not work for me. Oh well. I kind of like to leave a little to the imagination anyhow.

After clothes shopping, I had to pick up a few essentials at Wal*Mart. You know what drives me insane? People in the self check lanes. I always use them because I can scan my stuff much faster than the cashiers and I don’t have to make small talk or get pissed when my cashier is rude. Today the woman behind me was a wee bit overzealous. She was all up in my business while I was checking out. She was unloading her shit while I was trying to finish paying. It just annoys the piss out of me. I wanted to say, could you wait your turn? You are seriously invading my space!! The register belts are not as long as a normal check out, so when someone starts unloading while you’re still there, it is quite invasive. And those are just a few of the reasons I HATE shopping!!

First rule about comb club. Don’t talk about comb club.

Those are Monkey’s famous words. He received his switchblade combs in the mail today and is SO excited. Who would have thought a $3 item could bring so much joy into a little boy’s life?

Well I am on spring break this week. What does that mean for me? Not much actually. I am working most of the week and on my days off, I have been doing school work. Granted, I have relaxed a decent amount, but mostly work of some sort.

I guess I have ants in my pants. At least that’s what the doctor called them. Yes, I am kidding! Gosh. Do you think I would announce on here that I have some sort of bugs in my nether regions? Nah, probably not. I don’t, for the record. Crap! Like you’re going to believe me now.

Hmm? Something interesting? I hear we are supposed to get some f-ing snow on Friday! Can you believe it? I can, but I choose not to. I feel like this has been the longest winter ever and am so ready for some warm weather. I have taken advantage of the nice days and rode my bike a few times and I have walked quite a few nights as well. I just want it to be like 60 every day!! I want some green stuff back on the ground and on the trees.

Other than that, just chillin’ for a few more days!!

“The past is never there when you try to go back.  It exists, but only in memory.  To pretend otherwise is to invite a mess.”

    ~Chris Cobbs

Ya’ll can hate all you want, but Michael Jackson was the shiznit back in the day. MJ had some talent before he got all crazy weird on us.

They don’t make music videos like this anymore. Granted the effects are lame or whatever, but at least it is more than a bunch of half naked girls dancing around some men who think they are gangster.

Enjoy!!

I just returned home from Crapplebees and yes, it was crap food! I tried something new and was disappointed. Per usual.

I ordered some new mac n’ cheese thing with chicken. Sounded good and pasta reheats well, so I went for it. When it came to the table, I almost flipped my shit. The pasta was floating atop a pond of grease! I am not even kidding. It was the sickest thing I have ever seen in my life! I almost asked her to take it back because I was NOT going to eat something that disgusting. It looked like someone put a pound of cheese food on pasta, nuked it, and then tried to stir it up. Instead of making her take it back, I ate some of it. The taste was okay, but I could not get past the pond o’ grease. I used my napkin to dab some of it up, but it was not enough. I ate the chicken and a few bites of the pasta, but that was all I could muster. I brought it home and I’m not sure why. I don’t think I can bring myself to eat it. I should probably drink some Drano. You know, to be proactive in the clogging of my arteries.

If I never write again it is because I had an MI in my sleep due to the cloggage of my arteries! Yeah, wish I was kidding. I will be avoiding that particular dish FOREVER!

Don’t say I didn’t warn you. Do NOT get the mac n’ cheese with chicken bowl at Applebees. You and your heart will thank me.

“Life is a tragedy for those who feel, and a comedy for those who think.”

~ La Bruyere

I hope everyone wears green today. Don’t wanna go getting yourself pinched, do you?

I heard on the radio that a lot of the bars opened at 6am, for all you early risers. I guess I was wondering if people take today off of work to get drunk or what? Maybe they open for the people on 3rd shift? I don’t know, but I hope people don’t actually take the day off. I figured most people would be partying this past weekend.

Anywho. I’ve never been a huge celebrator of the St. Patrick’s Day. I think last year was the first time I have ever gone out. Nope, didn’t drink any green beer. I suppose because I’m not a fan of beer in general.

Enjoy your day and have some green beer if you so desire!! I’m on spring break, baby!

I got to do some teaching in my Monkey’s 5th grade class today. It was fun I could never deal with other people’s children all day, every day but it was fun for an hour.

The kids had a ton of questions and so did the teacher. I think their favorite part was listening to their hearts, lungs, and bowel sounds. I even got both teachers to participate. I was invited back to speak again, so I guess that was good. Both teachers said it was very interesting and were happy that I came to speak. It made my day.

I am officially on spring break!! SWEET! I’m going to Daytona to party this entire week and get crunk.

Yeah right!! My ass is workin’